i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
