I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
