How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
