My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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