im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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