Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
two words: eviction party
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
