so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
