How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
