Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
