you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
