i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
