im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
