my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
