I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
