I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
