i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
false alarm, still single
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
