Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
