it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
