I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
