On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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