i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
