I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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