Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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