and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
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Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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