i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
