Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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