i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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