I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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