After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
