would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
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we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
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My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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