I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
