They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
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She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
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You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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