I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
