Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
