Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize