I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
