I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
