my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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