I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
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When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
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I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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