this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
