I could make wine with my vomit
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
