I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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