I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
