on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I will pee on everything he values.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
