I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
