its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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