I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
