70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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