Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
