I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
