walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
