why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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