can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize