the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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