have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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