I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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