I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize