Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
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If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
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He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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