I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
