During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
