so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
