just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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