This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
