My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
