Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
