I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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