Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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