dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
