Plan B is the new Plan A
I think I died a long time ago.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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