You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
