Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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