Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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