Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
