I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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