I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
