HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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