i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
