I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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