I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
