what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Randomize
